Dogs vs Cats

In Defense of Cool Cats

Opening Remarks

Ladies and gentlemen of the readership, I submit to you that cats are the best pets because theirs is a love that must be earned. Rather than throwing themselves at any humanoid who happens to bring a little body heat their way, cats select only a few special humans onto whom they will bestow the glorious purrs, gentle head-rubs and fuzzy belly rubbing privileges that bring immeasurable joy and satisfaction to the lucky recipient.

Main argument

Egyptians revered felines as descendants of the gods, often embalming and entombing them with their ever-grateful owners. These savvy Pharaoh types understood that the independence and aloofness of cats were qualities to admire and strive toward. Without realizing it, these ancient people were getting a glimpse of the characteristics that would become, some 2,000 years later, what young people call “cool.”

Like Arthur Fonzarelli or the cheerleaders in your high school, cats do not beg for your attention; they require your admiration. Cats do not follow you or your orders; they move to the beat of some other drummer that has been kidnapped and coerced into beating in place of their cold, calculating hearts.

We call this “independence,” a truly American quality. In that sense, cats are the most patriotic of pets because they embody the spirit of the Founding Fathers: terse, enigmatic, and fiercely self-sufficient. Until feeding time. But even the settlers needed some help from the natives.

The point is, when a feline walks onto your lap or leans up against you and allows you to bask in the furnace-level heat of her soft, silky body, you know you’ve earned it. And that bond of earned love—forged in the cold fire of a cat’s icy intellect—is forever.

Closing remarks

Ladies and gentleman, the evidence presented has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that cats do, indeed, make the best pets. Their love is not the easy love of a creature that slobbers indiscriminately on strangers and family alike. It is the singular love of a highly intelligent, selective being who chooses her human companion with care and discretion. Whether you know the challenging love of a feline first-hand or still aspire to one day experience it, I’m sure you will do the right thing and rule in favor of my client, the coolest of cool cats. Thank you.

In Defense of Mankind's Best Friend

Opening Remarks

Esteemed readers, I would like to submit that there is nothing like a good dog blanket. With one flop of that furry, warm girth, your best friend reassures you of their love and devotion. Unlike some of the more cold and calculating animal companions out there, you always know where you stand with a canine.

Main argument

The title of best friend is one well earned by a good dog. Loyal to the end, they will stand—sit, lay, snore, dream (yes, they dream and it’s amazing) and play—by your side. With you to the end, dogs understand that life is about more than just themselves. Dogs are team players.

There are numerous cases where dogs have saved their human companion’s lives. Balto, for example, was one famous canine who led a sled dog team transporting diphtheria antitoxin to Nome, Alaska. It was the winter of 1925 and diphtheria was highly contagious—killing many children. Balto was one of the dogs that brought the cure to the isolated community of Nome, inspiring the Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race.

You may say that he was just a dog pulling supplies, only an animal, but that doesn’t explain why many visit an honorary statue of him in New York City’s Central Park. He glows bronze from the many hands that have touched his back over the years. He’s honored as a hero.

Dogs work with us. They are on the police force, in schools, therapist’s offices, helping the blind, the traumatized and the injured. These furry companions provide strength and security to our lives. They do not just sit upon a cushion, demanding respect and homage—they earn their place in our hearts.

Closing remarks

Dear readers, the facts are plain. Dogs are the best companions possible. From the day of their first snuggle and wobbly walk to the last gentle lick before the great nap, your dog is a devoted friend. They trust you and count on you to care for them. In turn, they protect and work for us. Keeping humans happy and safe. Each and every day, the bond grows stronger until you can’t imagine not coming home to their joyous, sloppy kisses. Their tails slap against floors and walls, drumming out the rhythm of their love. The love of a dog is a wonderful thing, possibly one of the finest things you can earn. Thank you.